chapter twenty one
Fire, pain, and dismay. All I can know, all that is left of the life I knew, radiates outward and ever forward, hungry for retribution. A fool has brought ruin upon us all. A fool and her pride. Not content with one prize, she snatches two more, a new mate and a new title as the head of the Krysli.
I'll not have it. Much could I bear, much more might I endure, save this brazen thievery, this coldness of heart. Let the rebellion back in the forest carry on to its sad conclusion. This much will be put right today. Lida Vianna, I come for you, and I bring the fire of a broken heart with me. It is a fire unfamiliar to you, and I intend to teach you something of it. The clouds part and retreat behind an impotent, pale red sun. I revel in my anger, in a flight unfettered and teeming full with rage long suppressed. I will--
Ah. There you are. Of course you heard me coming. That is entirely the point! You may be First Krysli, but you know nothing of my rage. You dare approach me head on? Come then. Let us embrace in fire, and fall in flames. I fear not for my life, nor for yours. Prepare if you can!
I see your eyes as we collide. Then light overtakes all, sight is no more, and the fight will now be won or lost by the lesser senses. I am ready for this. I have hold of... wretch! Don't think you can--
I was angry.
It went on for quite some time, that useless discharge of anger. Fire cannot claim fire. Then mine was extinguished. I remember that now, as the wind rushes past my face, through my hair. I am not flying. Falling, rather. The world won't stop spinning. I remember feeling this way before leaving Randle's estate. My rage! Pray, let it not have claimed any lives! Even that of Lida. I'm sorry, Lida. I'm feeling much more at peace now.
I'm falling to my death. I really should do something about that. The many spires, greater and lesser, of the iron city below rush toward me and any moment now, I'll remember how to fly. Remember how to fly. And I thought I might bring an end to Lida herself. I am the fool, my pride is my ruin. I can't even fly. But what matter, this small death? The Krysli are broken. Siguard is without hope, should Graeme's forbearance reach an ending. And it will, if he learns of our straits. Oh Lida, what madness have we wrought, you and I?
"Lendora, what madness!" Lida is close behind me. Not falling. Flying. I have learned my place once again. Life itself seems to thrill at every occasion to teach me how small I am.
"I almost had you there for a moment." My words are slurred and quickly stolen by the wind of my descent. It will all be over soon enough. No matter if she hears.
"Lendora, take hold of your senses!" Her voice is shrill with concern. The city looms close like the jaws of a trap.
I love her. Why do we always try to hurt the ones we love? Why did she hurt me so, stealing the Wonderer for her own, leaving me to face rebellion alone? She hurt me. She must love me.
Love. There has to be a better way. I wish I might have known it.
"No". I close my eyes, open my heart, and welcome--
----------
Handa Ward grimaced and finally let loose the railing on the small balcony. If only she had the fire and the gift of flight, she might have prevented such a useless end. If only she were not so old and helpless.
Ran's eyes were wide with disbelief. Two Krysli engaged in combat over the very Tower of the Triad had robbed him of his generous gift of speech. Handa sighed. Orders had to be given, order maintained. She snapped her fingers and then turned back to the street below and the wretched sight it held. Gripping the rail once more, her rigid shoulders finally gave way and she sagged between her aching shoulders as Depro drew himself up to full attention at her side. Next to him with one fluid motion Benda appeared and showed him how to do it properly. "Captain Depro, fetch her body to the Tower at once. Find an out of the way room on the first level. Then send for..." her voice left her. Send for whom, exactly? "Send for a healer. Two combatants took to the air," she glanced at the wobbling descent of the First Krysli, "and two took hurt. Attend."
Handa looked up as the sun returned. Ran had not moved at all. No matter. The First Citizen was a man of remarkable resources and resilience. He would snap to soon enough. Handa left him and motioned for Benda to follow. Her joints reminded her it would be several winding staircases down to the lower levels of the tower, but she was in no mood to listen to her pain. In defiance, she set a pace that soon had her sergeant fairly jogging to keep up. Krysli fighting amongst themselves in full display above the very tower of the citadel they were sworn to defend? Madness!
Four staircases and a sevenday's worth of dour thoughts later, Benda was no longer jogging behind her general. Handa resisted the urge to place one hand upon the corridor's wall for support. She was sweating profusely and extremely short of breath. Her old heart protested loudly from her chest. How long before she would be forced by old age and decrepitude into retiring her command? No. Not today. She had no time for such concerns. She turned to Benda and did her best to speak through ragged breaths. "Ahead. Find the room. Should be... this hallway. Further down. Go. Wait for me. Outside. Now."
Benda flashed a look of concern, but did not hesitate to dash ahead on her young legs. Such a fine, beautiful soldier. Handa was humbled as she struggled to bring her hoarse breathing under control. A thousand curses! She wasn't even girt in full armor, merely her breastplate and sword. What good could she possibly be on the fields of battle?
When was the last time she had been on a field of battle? Two, three summers? More? No time for such thoughts. She staggered forward and the pain became bearable, and at last under her command. Somebody had to be in command in the face of all this madness. Just as well that she began setting things straight in her own body. She knew beyond doubt that Benda would speak nothing of her labors. Soon she was walking upright in smooth strides as her mind raced again to understand the implications of what had just transpired. She would get to the bottom of this mystery at once, and void take Lida Vianna if she displayed anything other than full cooperation. This ballyroth had played far too long, with far too many twists and turns. It would be laid to rest today. This morning. Now!
The General Enderin came around the corner to find Benda twelve paces hence looking back toward her with... what manner of expression was this? Outside a door stood... not officers of the Tower Guard, not members of the Honor Guard. Why, these were Vianna's personal guards. Council guards. Where was Depro? Handa felt suddenly belligerent and did little to conceal it. She simply arrived before the door and returned the Council guards' salutes with a proper one before motioning them aside.
They did not move. They stood casually with spears crossed before the doorway as if they were charged with detaining a prisoner and had yet to hear the proper password, and had little expectation they would be hearing it any time soon. Madness!
Handa's breath was almost completely back to normal now. She inhaled deeply, exhaled once, and spoke calmly. "Away, Councilor's men. Your services are no longer needed. We will attend."
The less shabbily-armored of the two piped up. "It is with great regret that I must inform the General Enderin that we are bound, under pain of death, to let no person, not even a member of the Triad itself, beyond this door until released by Councilor Vianna."
One can only take so much unexpected chaos and obstacles in the course of one day before patience runs skittering in the face of unstoppable waves of frustration. Handa felt all restraint leave her limbs in a rush and squared herself fully with hands on hips in front of these two misbegotten sluggards. "Pain of death? Do I stand in the bowels of General Graeme's Keep or more rightly in the sovereign Tower of the Triad, which I and I alone am charged to protect? Councilor's Guards, stand down at once and recognize your commanding officer! Stand aside! I will vouch for your safekeeping, for a few moments more at the least. Continue to hinder me in the discharging of my office and perhaps the pain of death will not be such a fanciful thought after all. Attend at once!"
So charged was her voice that Benda took a step away from the confrontation. No, Handa misunderstood. Her sergeant simply required that space to safely draw her sword and hold it at the ready. The sloppier guard's eyes went wide and he stood aside at once. Good. His comrade... no. Handa shook her head. He moved with a sidelong glance at his companion to stand directly before the wooden door and planted his spear with a sharp report that echoed down the length of the corridor. "I'm sorry, Madame General, but our first loyalty is to our mistress. She was quite firm, and mentioned you, among others, specifically as being forbidden to enter until she grants release. I cannot relent."
Handa decided promptly that she would entertain this man's misguided sense of duty no longer. "Sergeant Benda, arrest this man at once. I'll think of suitable charges later." She frowned into the guard's face. "Many charges, and not too much later." For his part, the guard simply swallowed and stood fast. Handa snorted as Benda approached, and then did her best to hide a gasp of surprise as he lowered his spear in a defensive posture.
"Guard! Your name!"
"Dougal, and I cannot let you pass until milady release me. Pray understand and relent."
Benda was clearly hesitating at the thought of armed combat with a fellow soldier of Siguard. Handa thought of this and was reminded at once of what she had just witnessed from the balcony high above. The entire fabric of Siguardian order was coming apart at the seems. All due to one woman who had much to answer for. And she was on the far side of this door, begging to be brought into a full accounting of the results of a series of rash actions that had led to Krysli vs. Krysli and soldier vs. soldier here. Here, in the Tower of the Triad. It was too much for Handa. With a deft snap of her wrist, she surpassed Dougal's defense and had him by the throat, pinning him against the door with a soft thud. Surprised and wide-eyed, his spear escaped and clattered noisily to the floor. Handa leaned in close and let her old breath weigh heavily upon the guard's face. "I, not your mistress, am in command. Always. You serve as Council Guards at my discretion, soldier. You forget your duties. You will be punished. Later. Now. Stand aside," Handa's grip tightened on the soft, bare flesh between his breastplate and helm, "or suffer." With no mind for his reply or the protest from her shoulder, she cast him roughly to the stone floor, raised her boot, and kicked the heavy door inward.
She would be feeling that one later, but enough. Entrance was gained. Sparing no further thought for Vianna's men, she motioned Benda into the room after her.
I'll not have it. Much could I bear, much more might I endure, save this brazen thievery, this coldness of heart. Let the rebellion back in the forest carry on to its sad conclusion. This much will be put right today. Lida Vianna, I come for you, and I bring the fire of a broken heart with me. It is a fire unfamiliar to you, and I intend to teach you something of it. The clouds part and retreat behind an impotent, pale red sun. I revel in my anger, in a flight unfettered and teeming full with rage long suppressed. I will--
Ah. There you are. Of course you heard me coming. That is entirely the point! You may be First Krysli, but you know nothing of my rage. You dare approach me head on? Come then. Let us embrace in fire, and fall in flames. I fear not for my life, nor for yours. Prepare if you can!
I see your eyes as we collide. Then light overtakes all, sight is no more, and the fight will now be won or lost by the lesser senses. I am ready for this. I have hold of... wretch! Don't think you can--
I was angry.
It went on for quite some time, that useless discharge of anger. Fire cannot claim fire. Then mine was extinguished. I remember that now, as the wind rushes past my face, through my hair. I am not flying. Falling, rather. The world won't stop spinning. I remember feeling this way before leaving Randle's estate. My rage! Pray, let it not have claimed any lives! Even that of Lida. I'm sorry, Lida. I'm feeling much more at peace now.
I'm falling to my death. I really should do something about that. The many spires, greater and lesser, of the iron city below rush toward me and any moment now, I'll remember how to fly. Remember how to fly. And I thought I might bring an end to Lida herself. I am the fool, my pride is my ruin. I can't even fly. But what matter, this small death? The Krysli are broken. Siguard is without hope, should Graeme's forbearance reach an ending. And it will, if he learns of our straits. Oh Lida, what madness have we wrought, you and I?
"Lendora, what madness!" Lida is close behind me. Not falling. Flying. I have learned my place once again. Life itself seems to thrill at every occasion to teach me how small I am.
"I almost had you there for a moment." My words are slurred and quickly stolen by the wind of my descent. It will all be over soon enough. No matter if she hears.
"Lendora, take hold of your senses!" Her voice is shrill with concern. The city looms close like the jaws of a trap.
I love her. Why do we always try to hurt the ones we love? Why did she hurt me so, stealing the Wonderer for her own, leaving me to face rebellion alone? She hurt me. She must love me.
Love. There has to be a better way. I wish I might have known it.
"No". I close my eyes, open my heart, and welcome--
----------
Handa Ward grimaced and finally let loose the railing on the small balcony. If only she had the fire and the gift of flight, she might have prevented such a useless end. If only she were not so old and helpless.
Ran's eyes were wide with disbelief. Two Krysli engaged in combat over the very Tower of the Triad had robbed him of his generous gift of speech. Handa sighed. Orders had to be given, order maintained. She snapped her fingers and then turned back to the street below and the wretched sight it held. Gripping the rail once more, her rigid shoulders finally gave way and she sagged between her aching shoulders as Depro drew himself up to full attention at her side. Next to him with one fluid motion Benda appeared and showed him how to do it properly. "Captain Depro, fetch her body to the Tower at once. Find an out of the way room on the first level. Then send for..." her voice left her. Send for whom, exactly? "Send for a healer. Two combatants took to the air," she glanced at the wobbling descent of the First Krysli, "and two took hurt. Attend."
Handa looked up as the sun returned. Ran had not moved at all. No matter. The First Citizen was a man of remarkable resources and resilience. He would snap to soon enough. Handa left him and motioned for Benda to follow. Her joints reminded her it would be several winding staircases down to the lower levels of the tower, but she was in no mood to listen to her pain. In defiance, she set a pace that soon had her sergeant fairly jogging to keep up. Krysli fighting amongst themselves in full display above the very tower of the citadel they were sworn to defend? Madness!
Four staircases and a sevenday's worth of dour thoughts later, Benda was no longer jogging behind her general. Handa resisted the urge to place one hand upon the corridor's wall for support. She was sweating profusely and extremely short of breath. Her old heart protested loudly from her chest. How long before she would be forced by old age and decrepitude into retiring her command? No. Not today. She had no time for such concerns. She turned to Benda and did her best to speak through ragged breaths. "Ahead. Find the room. Should be... this hallway. Further down. Go. Wait for me. Outside. Now."
Benda flashed a look of concern, but did not hesitate to dash ahead on her young legs. Such a fine, beautiful soldier. Handa was humbled as she struggled to bring her hoarse breathing under control. A thousand curses! She wasn't even girt in full armor, merely her breastplate and sword. What good could she possibly be on the fields of battle?
When was the last time she had been on a field of battle? Two, three summers? More? No time for such thoughts. She staggered forward and the pain became bearable, and at last under her command. Somebody had to be in command in the face of all this madness. Just as well that she began setting things straight in her own body. She knew beyond doubt that Benda would speak nothing of her labors. Soon she was walking upright in smooth strides as her mind raced again to understand the implications of what had just transpired. She would get to the bottom of this mystery at once, and void take Lida Vianna if she displayed anything other than full cooperation. This ballyroth had played far too long, with far too many twists and turns. It would be laid to rest today. This morning. Now!
The General Enderin came around the corner to find Benda twelve paces hence looking back toward her with... what manner of expression was this? Outside a door stood... not officers of the Tower Guard, not members of the Honor Guard. Why, these were Vianna's personal guards. Council guards. Where was Depro? Handa felt suddenly belligerent and did little to conceal it. She simply arrived before the door and returned the Council guards' salutes with a proper one before motioning them aside.
They did not move. They stood casually with spears crossed before the doorway as if they were charged with detaining a prisoner and had yet to hear the proper password, and had little expectation they would be hearing it any time soon. Madness!
Handa's breath was almost completely back to normal now. She inhaled deeply, exhaled once, and spoke calmly. "Away, Councilor's men. Your services are no longer needed. We will attend."
The less shabbily-armored of the two piped up. "It is with great regret that I must inform the General Enderin that we are bound, under pain of death, to let no person, not even a member of the Triad itself, beyond this door until released by Councilor Vianna."
One can only take so much unexpected chaos and obstacles in the course of one day before patience runs skittering in the face of unstoppable waves of frustration. Handa felt all restraint leave her limbs in a rush and squared herself fully with hands on hips in front of these two misbegotten sluggards. "Pain of death? Do I stand in the bowels of General Graeme's Keep or more rightly in the sovereign Tower of the Triad, which I and I alone am charged to protect? Councilor's Guards, stand down at once and recognize your commanding officer! Stand aside! I will vouch for your safekeeping, for a few moments more at the least. Continue to hinder me in the discharging of my office and perhaps the pain of death will not be such a fanciful thought after all. Attend at once!"
So charged was her voice that Benda took a step away from the confrontation. No, Handa misunderstood. Her sergeant simply required that space to safely draw her sword and hold it at the ready. The sloppier guard's eyes went wide and he stood aside at once. Good. His comrade... no. Handa shook her head. He moved with a sidelong glance at his companion to stand directly before the wooden door and planted his spear with a sharp report that echoed down the length of the corridor. "I'm sorry, Madame General, but our first loyalty is to our mistress. She was quite firm, and mentioned you, among others, specifically as being forbidden to enter until she grants release. I cannot relent."
Handa decided promptly that she would entertain this man's misguided sense of duty no longer. "Sergeant Benda, arrest this man at once. I'll think of suitable charges later." She frowned into the guard's face. "Many charges, and not too much later." For his part, the guard simply swallowed and stood fast. Handa snorted as Benda approached, and then did her best to hide a gasp of surprise as he lowered his spear in a defensive posture.
"Guard! Your name!"
"Dougal, and I cannot let you pass until milady release me. Pray understand and relent."
Benda was clearly hesitating at the thought of armed combat with a fellow soldier of Siguard. Handa thought of this and was reminded at once of what she had just witnessed from the balcony high above. The entire fabric of Siguardian order was coming apart at the seems. All due to one woman who had much to answer for. And she was on the far side of this door, begging to be brought into a full accounting of the results of a series of rash actions that had led to Krysli vs. Krysli and soldier vs. soldier here. Here, in the Tower of the Triad. It was too much for Handa. With a deft snap of her wrist, she surpassed Dougal's defense and had him by the throat, pinning him against the door with a soft thud. Surprised and wide-eyed, his spear escaped and clattered noisily to the floor. Handa leaned in close and let her old breath weigh heavily upon the guard's face. "I, not your mistress, am in command. Always. You serve as Council Guards at my discretion, soldier. You forget your duties. You will be punished. Later. Now. Stand aside," Handa's grip tightened on the soft, bare flesh between his breastplate and helm, "or suffer." With no mind for his reply or the protest from her shoulder, she cast him roughly to the stone floor, raised her boot, and kicked the heavy door inward.
She would be feeling that one later, but enough. Entrance was gained. Sparing no further thought for Vianna's men, she motioned Benda into the room after her.
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